Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
