You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
