Ambien. No doubt about it.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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