You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
