I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
