There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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