He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
