Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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