This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
