i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
