so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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