Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
