Cold hands, warm shart.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
