my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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