I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
