dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize
