Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
