The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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