There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
