The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
