My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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