Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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