this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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