At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
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