At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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