i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
