it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
