The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
