It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
