I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
