it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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