Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
