We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
