i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
