I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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