So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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