dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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