I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
