My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
