Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
