I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize