I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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