stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
is that a dick in a sweater?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I'm always down for nudity.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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