why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
