I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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