Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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