i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
