Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Randomize
