Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
There was a lot of him and a little penis
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
