She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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