i'm signing you up for texting rehab
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Randomize
