He kissed a someone with a penis
home. puking in laundry basket.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
