i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
