you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize