I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
