my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
