You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
