Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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