The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
