omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
