My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
