You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
