Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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