Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
