; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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