i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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