i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
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