You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
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