every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
