I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
