oh god the rape fog is back!
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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