We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
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