so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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