I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
