My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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