My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
