You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Randomize