I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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