Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
