Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
