Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
