Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
