He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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