If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize