Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
