Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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