Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
