Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
