I just cut my nipple shaving
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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