OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
