allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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