every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
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